


Passive-Aggression (The Washuus get a Weird Report)

by Half_SubmergedinPurgatory



Series: TG Prompt Collection [9]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Crack, Gen, Prompt Fic, also a smidge of angst, bc I like to spice my fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 15:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8108188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory/pseuds/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory
Summary: ANONYMOUS:(I don't have any fine ideas for character motivations behind this prompt) but I had idea where before Amon fought Kaneki at the Anteiku raid, Hide ran up to him from behind and just tackled him down in a giant hug. I’m just imagining the surrounding CCG officers’ reactions to Hide acting nonchalant around an SS rated half-kakuja while said half-kakuja is completely frozen in shock while processing what was occurring. Y'all can prompt me @ purgatoryandme.tumblr.com and see answered requests under the tag "drabbles".





	

Several investigators watched in abject horror as Amon Koutarou took on Centipede. They had thought the ghoul was scary right from the start, but after the ‘let me pass’ conversation…  
  
He looked like a demon ( _at least, that’s what the man who pissed himself would say. The others would feign nonchalance_ ).   
  
The battle between these two forces was surely one that none could intrude on. They were moving so quickly, blood soaking the pavement, that any interfering forces would die.  
  
Which is exactly why all witnesses had thought Nagachika was dead for about a minute.  
  
The CCG’s errand boy had flown into the battle with a grin on his face better suited to a pool party than a death match. He literally _ **leapt**_ into the fray, the name ‘Neki’ on his lips, and tackled Amon to the ground.   
  
Face first.   
  
Everyone heard the thud. _**It was so loud**_.   
  
Of course, Amon was a very solid man, so he had been fine. Nagachika was also fine, for all that he’d bowled over a very angry investigator and was trying to untangle himself while flailing…happily?  
  
If it was possible to flail in a happy manner, all witnesses were pretty sure Nagachika was doing that.   
  
The person who seemed most damaged by this bizarre scenario was Centipede. It was hard to tell past the spooky mask, but he seemed to be mirroring the expressions of all the other onlookers ( _shock, horror, a little bit of his soul escaping his body_ ).   
  
It was weird to have a ghoul be the most empathetic person there.  
  
He eyed the uncoordinated flopping of Nagachika’s arms and the prone form of Amon with confusion. Eventually, he used his kagune to nudge the two people apart. Everyone assumed it was for better eating, however Centipede quickly turned Amon over.   
  
“Were you trying to drown him, Hide?”  
  
Centipede’s voice was high and thin, clearly stressed out and mildly hysterical, as he patted Amon ( _probably too roughly…everyone heard the thuds and bones creaking_ ) on the back.   
  
“How was I supposed to know he was face down in a puddle?”  
  
Nagachika’s reply was honestly _ **far too happy**_ for somebody who knocked out his only defence and nearly drowned him. It was creepy. _**So. Creepy.**_ He even had this sharp little grin that said he _**did**_ know Amon was face down in a puddle.  
  
Centipede seemed to agree with that sentiment. Hell, he actually looked a little spooked. All onlookers felt the unreasonable urge to trade sympathetic looks with him.  
  
“So…”  
  
Centipede began ( _his voice was described as ‘surprisingly youthful’ and another investigator had written ‘nerdy’ in his journal. The Washuus had stared at that one for awhile_ ), trailing off when Nagachika began sprinting towards him.   
  
Centipede huffed out a painful breath as Nagachika bodily slammed into him in a…defence maneuver? A hug? A really strangly embrace?   
  
Centipede looked like he was losing air.   
  
“N-E-K-I-! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN BUDDY!?”   
  
Nagachika sounded happy…and vengeful…vengefully delighted? The ‘strangly embrace’ now seemed like the most likely option for what he was doing.   
  
“YOU HAVEN’T CALLED ME OR ANYTHING, SO I WOULDN’T KNOW!”  
  
Really, Nagachika sounded like a harping parent or something. His embrace was leaning wayyyyy more towards the strangling side now. His loud voice was also waking up Amon.   
  
“MAN, THIS REMINDS ME OF WHEN WE WERE ABOUT SEVEN-”  
  
All the onlookers had proceeded to do a triple take ( _including Amon, who had just managed to get a grip on what the Hell had happened_ ),  
  
“Hide, c’mon, don’t be like-”  
  
“AND YOU GOT TRAPPED IN THAT TRASHCAN FOR THE WHOLE SCHOOL DAY-”  
  
“Hide, buddy, really I was going to call you-”  
  
“AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!?!?!??! BECAUSE ONCE YOU GOT FREE YOU DIDN’T TELL ME WHERE YOU’D BEEN!?!??!?! AND I HAD TO-”  
  
“Amon is up, c’mon, Hide, I’ve gotta figh-”  
  
“FIND YOU HIDING BEHIND THE SCHOOL COVERED IN TRASH!? AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE A TRASH DEMON SO I-”  
  
“Actually, maybe I don’t need to fight him. He looks a little amused-”  
  
“BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THAT MOP. YEAH MAYBE I’LL KICK YOUR ASS AGAIN-”  
  
“A lot amused. He looks a lot amused. And like he’s having an existential crisis…?”  
  
“BECAUSE WHEN YOU DON’T TELL ME SHIT I AM AUTOMATICALLY GOING TO ASSUME YOU ARE DEAD, DUMBASS!”  
  
All onlookers would record their feelings of sympathy for ‘Mukade-chan’ ( _or ‘Larva’ as one person had written…again, the Washuus stared at that for a long time_ ) in their case reports later. Centipede, in the meantime, was expressing his concern over Amon’s increasingly pale face.  
  
“YOU’RE KANEKI KEN!?”  
  
Amon sputter-yelled over Nagachika’s passive-aggressive tirade. It caused everything to grind to a halt ( _including the pencils in the hands of the witnesses_ ).  
  
“Yes, hello, that is me.”  
  
Centipede waved ( _cutely, one witness wrote, causing the Washuus to consider purging the CCG_ ). Nagachika pulled off his mask, an unholy glee in his eyes, and then pushed him around in a circle.   
  
“Look at this baby face! This is the baby face of a nerd extraordinaire, huge loser of Kami University, literaturephile-”  
  
Nagachika crowed over Centipede’s groaning and Amon’s…shrieking? Was Amon Koutarou shrieking in horror? Maybe it was frustration. Or because of his head injury.  
  
“-and my childhood best pal, Kaneki Ken! Who you all now know was a human! Who you all now know the face of! Kaneki Ken _**WHO CANNOT LEAVE HERE ANYMORE!**_ ”  
  
Amon’s screaming finally petered off as Kaneki’s much quieter shriek began to build. Everyone felt a little concerned that Amon was more capable of dealing with this evil version of Nagachika than the revelation that Centipede was a cute kid.  
  
“You know he won’t let us take him in, right? There’s no way he’ll just-”  
  
Amon tried to say, however Centipede’s shriek of,   
  
“I surrender!”   
  
Cut him off. Hide grinned wickedly, Kaneki’s ear trapped between his thumb and forefinger.

* * *

All reports from that night were burned and Kaneki Ken was placed into protective custody. Protection was key. Both from the investigators who had seen him that night in the rain ( _they kept burying him in gifts and smothering him in affection_ ) and from Nagachika ( _and his disturbingly powerful ear pinching technique_ ).   
  
Eventually, the Washuus went to stay with him. And Amon. And Akira.   
  
It was the only place safe from the circus the CCG had become ( _no one wanted to tell ‘Centipede’ about the little shrine they had found dedicated to him. They were sure Nagachika had started it. Nagachika was insane_ ). 


End file.
